The e-postcard I've included in the current update is one I designed for the Scottish Republican Socialist Movement. It's designed to be anti-monarchist (as I am).

It's not that I hate them, it's just that I... that I... think they're the most pointless sponging addition to the Scottish People since some sailors brough back something from the Indies resembling something like Spongebob Squarepants.

Feel free to post it to your friends, save it, treasure it...

Also, to see the e-postcard in all it's glory, click on it to enlarge it. Then press back to see what I have to say about it and it's world...

Thanks...

The following article reveals aspects of one of my favourite topics, the 1820 Insurrection. It should be read as it is intended: a piece of hidden history.

Siol nan Gaidheal : 1820 and all that

Petition for a Scottish Republic Petition

INDEPENDENCE FIRST ELECTS NEW OFFICE BEARERS - CAMPAIGN IS GROWING FAST SAYS NEW CONVENER

At a recent Meeting of Independence First (www.independence1st.com) the national campaign for a referendum on Scottish independence, two new office bearers were elected.

Neil Caple is now the honorary Convener, while Joe Middleton was elected Press Officer for the campaign.

Mr Caple said “I am very pleased to take up this position. Even though our campaign was only launched two months ago our membership is growing fast.”

“We have received supportive messages from Scottish Green Party, Scottish Socialist Party and Scottish National Party MSP’s and from the Free Scotland Party and the Scottish Independence Party.

“Recent polls suggest that a majority of the Scottish public support independence. Independence First wants to give the people the opportunity to express that support in a referendum.”

Former leader of the SSP, Tommy Sheridan, sent the following message of support to Independence First: "As a socialist I believe passionately in genuine democracy and the right of nations to self-determination.”

“My party's vision is of an independent socialist Scotland but we absolutely endorse and promote the right of citizens in Scotland to democratically decide now via a referendum if they wish an independent country.”

“I see the British imperial union as a reactionary barrier to social progress and want that British union dismantled to encourage progressive and democratic ideas to flourish in the individual entities of Scotland, England and Wales. The campaign for an independence referendum deserves support from all socialists and democrats alike."

Sandra White SNP MSP said “I'm happy to get behind anything that advances the cause of Scottish independence. I definitely support this grassroots movement, Independence 1st, in their demand for a Scottish referendum on independence. Please keep me informed of any further developments."

Stewart Maxwell SNP MSP said “I support the holding of a referendum on Independence as the Scottish people have never had the opportunity to express their opinion on this option.”

MSP’s from the Scottish Green party are hoping to get official support for the campaign from their whole party. Green MSP Mark Ballard has sent a message of support while Green MSP Shona Baird wrote “I welcome the principles of the [Independence First] charter and its commitment to working with people of all parties and none towards independence. This is an issue which will be taken to our next National Council meeting in May and I would anticipate it receiving the party's support.”

Mr Middleton commented “We are basically trying to achieve as broad a consensus as possible for independence. Under our plans secondary issues like republicanism or EU membership would be left up to the people of Scotland after the initial objective of breaking up the UK through a straightforward ‘yes or no’ referendum.”

He added “I hope absolutely everyone who supports Scottish independence will consider supporting this campaign, which is open to members of all political parties and none. A membership form can be downloaded from our website www.independence1st.com .”

Mr Middleton will speak at the Beith Speakers Club on 15th May on behalf of the campaign and has been selected to be a delegate for IF to the cross-party interim forum for an Independence Convention.

The full list of office bearers is as follows:

Neil Caple (Honorary Convener)
Carol Roscoe (Secretary)
Niall Aslen (Treasurer)
Graham Connelly (Membership Secretary)
Joe Middleton (Press Officer)


INDEPENDENCE FIRST CHARTER



Independence First demands a Scottish referendum on Independence as our democratic right.

1. The Independence First Association has been formed on a non-party-political basis to campaign for a referendum on independence for Scotland. We include members of different political parties and people who are not in any party.

2. One glaring aberration that remains for democracy in Scotland is that, despite having recently acquired a parliament in Edinburgh, many of the the most important decisions regarding Scotland are still taken in London.

3. Scotland suffers from an unequal union with a much bigger neighbour, which has invariably been to Scotland's disadvantage where matters of contending national interest are at stake.

4. The people of Scotland have never, at any time, been asked to vote directly by a referendum, on whether they agree to this or not.

5. Independence First is aware that opinion polls have usually indicated a strong demand for independence among Scotland’s electorate and notes that the UK government has conspicuously failed to test the electorate’s wishes in this matter.

6. As a matter of basic, democratic, self-determination, a referendum on the question of independence for Scotland is long overdue. All who cherish the principle of democracy, even those who call themselves democrats, yet favour continuation of the present constitutional setup, should accept the justice inherent in this claim.

7. Independence First believes that the referendum question should be as simple and unambiguous as possible, such as: "Do you favour Scotland becoming an independent nation?" Followed by 2 boxes, yes and no.

8. The question to be asked should not additionally test, one way or the other, matters such as EU membership (or not) or monarchy (or not).

9. Everybody on the voter’s roll in Scotland should be entitled to vote in this referendum.

10. This referendum should take priority over any other referendum on constitutional matters.

11. Independence First demands a Scottish referendum on Independence as a democratic right. We call upon all who value freedom and justice, in Scotland and worldwide, to back this most basic of democratic demands.

Copyright © 2005, Independence First

Joe Middleton, Independence First Press Officer.

Neil Caple, Convener of Independence First.

Four More Years

Okay, so they won. Not going to pretend I like it, but clearly, the people voted for it. I remain, as ever, a Republican Socialist. But I'm not going to buy the media "Liberal Democrats Won" stuff.

No they didn't... What happened was that Labour's vote haemorraged. They lost a wee bit, and other parties gained in the interim.

Perhaps, for me, the most impressive result was the SNP win in the Western Isles. Let's be honest, it's a romantic heartland. Out history revolves around it. It beats with it. It is the source of a lot of our songs, our poetry, our beliefs. If the SNP won Cumbernauld, would it be such an amazing result? Not quite, but still good... That's the point, it's what it means to us.

And, as Joe Middleton, who was thrown out of the SNP for being a Republican Socialist pointed out, the 36% Labour vote means 64% wanted Labour out. Thats one of the lowest votes to get a government into power that the UK has ever had. Enough pointless statisticary though...

Why is it that the press mourn the winners in elections like this, and lust after the least-worst loser? I'm no fan of Labour (as you might have guessed) but somehow they won, with a 66-seat majority and still managed to be regarded as the loser. Does this mean I only have to get the independence vote up to second place to be a winner?

My party, the SSP, gained nothing and didn't expect to. What worries me is that George Galloway's Respect Party gained a seat London (Befnal Greeen and Bow). What it means is that those who want the British Socialist Party have been given a caveat to build a British Platform from. From a Scottish Independence platform, this is clearly dangerous.

But then, there's this other part of me which thinks... Let them. Let them build their Socialist Alliance... With the Brit Soc alliance the Scottish Vote the SSP provides will likely disintegrate, and the pro-SNP socialists will return to the SNP fold (or form another Republican party) and the BSP will merely end up splitting the Labour vote. This, is truly a good thing, since a BSP is the best thing for splitting Central Scotland Labour votes, since Central Scotland, being a Labour Heartland, has little love for New Labour as such, it tolerates in favour of "an alternative" which the Lib Dems can never provide, despite the build in their vote.

I have a few predictions: 1, that Tommy Sheridan will be approached by Respect activists to build on their success in Bethnal Green and Bow; naturally so, since he's now unemployed after screwing too many SSP activists to be of any use. 2, that some form of alliance between SSP activists and Respect activists will occur between now and the Scottish Parliament elections. 3, In Scotland, the Lib Dem success will falter because of it's affiliation to the Scottish Executive (a problem it never had during the Westminster elections). 4, the G8 conference will be a watershed in Scottish Political opinion and beliefs; it will be a greater catalyst for change in political opinion since the Poll Tax riots.

Scotland just changed, and no-one even knows it yet.

To those voting Labour with Delusions

I've got to be honest, this is one of my pet hates. It involves the legions of submissive non-thinkers repeating the mantra: "But the Tories are worse, so I have to vote Labour."

This illusion is clearly false. Both of the main wars fought under the Conservative Party during their period in power were questions of Sovereignty. With the Falklands it involved the sovereignty of the Malvinas / Falklands. With Iraq it involved the Sovereignty of Kuwait. While one might disagree with the methods and (occasionally) the results, it's hard to question the logic behind the philosophy that drove the actions.

Labour's numerous wars since it came to power in 1997 have involved disregarding the individual sovereignty of nations and taking decisions in abstentia of the population who actually live there. Way back when, Afghanistan was invaded, Kosovo was invaded; and more recently, Iraq has been invaded. In all three countries, violent and extreme measures have been used where formerly more peaceful measures have been successful. Unlike the wars of the previous regime, Labour can't have a straight debate about their conduct which led this country to war without wanting to avoid the subject and "move on."

Oh, that's right, tyrants only understand violence don't they? Except... in South Africa. Years of sanctions brought a heinous system crashing down, and avoided the individual right of nations to conduct themselves in the way they think best for their people. Nobody was invaded, and the good guy in Nelson Mandela won in the end.

This apparently benign and peaceful Labour Party has therefore showed itself to be far more Hawkish than the Conservatives were before them. Towards the end of their reign, the Conservatives reformed the police service to get away from it's "glory days" of torture, agent provocateurs and carnage of the 1970s, and the early 1990s saw the release of the Birmingham Six, the Guildford Four, as well as other minor longer-term convictions quashed. During the periods of War under Labour, we have seen a return of Interment (which the Tories happily practised in Northern Ireland), the social exlusion of migrants into this Country as well as the removal of basic personal human rights in ID Cards.

Now don't go away thinking I'm an apologist for the Conservatives since I remember the Miner's Strikes, the Poll Tax Riots and a vast amount of transient and equally pointless measures they introduced. What I don't agree with is dressing up a Wolf in Sheep clothing because he has a better smile than Michael Howard and because you want to feel better about yourself.

I'm more blunt about people voting Labour or Conservative. If you do, then the blood of every body-bag brought home is on your conscience. When you grumble about your Tax Bills, your freedoms or what the government is doing to your family then there is no cause for complaint. You voted Labour or Tory, the responsibility is yours.

Who is to blame for the war in Iraq? You are. You voted for them, and they acted under your mandate. When Gordon Gentle's - the Black Watch soldier killed, and whose mother is standing against Adam Ingram in East Kilbride in this election - body was brought home from Iraq the responsibility lay, in my opinion with three people. The one the planted the body, the goverment who sent him, and you who voted for them to get into power.

I've even heard the rather dubious and pointless addition: "But there's no other choice." Bullshit. Of course there is. Just look at the size of the bloody ballot papers. Your ancestors fought for the right to get working class people, and women in general, the vote. You have your Labour, Conservative, SNP, SSP, FSP, Christian, Green and idiotic dandies up and down the country who you can vote for.

So who is to blame, home and abroad, for the Blood on your countries hands? You fucking are.

I thought I'd indulge my creative juices and publish a poem I had written...

Ebony Sun

Dust Spiral
The dark clouds whither
Echoes of silent approach
The Ruby-red crystal hills
Those shiny, umbilical
Archaic Babel Towers.

I can’t sleep,
In Merlin’s Prison -
A Royal Baby’s whim cast,
Set in unbreakable glass
A rock-stare in negative
Fixed at an Ebony Sun.

Astral Breath
My sonic mindscape
I dream of my place at the lake
Where my heroes exist
To talk on the eternal lawn
Where at night I can see Orion.

Locked here,
Crucified as Coal,
Crushed for too many years,
Until captured, cut, displayed
Bedizen my crystal clock
A speck inside this crimson prison

Sister moon,
She prayed, she preyed and
I forgive her still the whim
Of her lust which cast me here
A mind backward through time
Set in unbreakable glass.

CND Speaker at Glencoe Rally speaking about the War in Iraq 

Anti War Rally Glasgow 

Dubya and Tony Turning up at an Anti War Rally in Glasgow 

The Election Cometh

The gap between the previous post and this one is rather large. In between then and now I've been writing my debut Sci-fi novel, Rock X and let this go a wee bit. You can click on a link to the right to go and read it.

The UK election on thursday is ultimately pointless for Scotland. The devolved powers of the parliament means that most of the policies discussed are meaningless.

My own view is that come the end of it, regardless of who gets in, we'll end up invading someone else. I've been attending most of the anti-war demos in Glasgow. How Scotland ended up fighting another crusade, despite most people's objections I'll never know.

I'm voting for the SSP this election, and am notionally a member now, but managed to avoid the who circus of wandering aimless around Cumbernauld with leaflets after I agreed to do my webmaster thing on a Glasgow Animal Rights Website.

Here is actually what happens when you do that whole electioneering business. I've done it with the SNP, and I've done it with the SSP.

"Hi there, can I...?"
"No." Door slams.

Or the far more polite

"I'm not sure... I'll think about it..."

It's all decided in the press. Unfortunately you can't have party members milling about doing nothing, so it keeps everyone busy. It's pointless, but at least the members are busy.

Now, since the SNP managed to fuck up the independence movement by doing it's impression of a nail bomb, there are numerous parties standing all over Scotland to get independence.

The Free Scotland Party
The Scottish Independence Party
The Green Party
The Scottish Socialist Party
The Scottish National Party

as well as one campaign group (Independence First) and a new party I can't mention because it's still at planning stage (as well as the miniscule detail I'm not supposed to know about it).

Some wag might point out that if they all joined up under the one banner, the Scottish Independence (which I'm very much in agreement with) movement would be a leviathan of political influence. Brave people... Really brave people. Half these people don't like each other, most want power they're not going to get acting as Splinter Cells.

My prediction for Thursday's Election is for what will be descibed as "Tory Inroads" into Labour's vote. I suspect they'll win, and part of me wants them to, so I can read about Jack McConnell squirming when being called by Michael "Dracula" Howard in reference to some piece of legislation.

Why? I dislike the Tories as much as I dislike Labour, and think there's "Something of the night" about all of them. True power for Scotland comes through Independence. If I get to hear about Brits squirming because of Brits... I'm happy.

Kenny Pic 

Battle of Bannockburn Commemoration 26-06-04

This, almost inevitably, was pathetic. I had made the mistake of going to the first of the two commemorations which happened on Bannockburn field yesterday. The first was by the various organisations of Knights Templar that claims decendency from the dudes who captured the remains of the Second Temple of Jerusalem (now and then Al Aqsa mosque). In reality (in Scotland at least) they were formed by a deluded alcoholic in the 1970s.

Some two hours later, the SNP rally happened. It involved one obscure SNP MEP (member of the european parliament) saying how much he was proud to be an MEP and thanks for coming and avoiding the storms afflicting this years rally. Pathetic. Why?

I went to this rally first in 1992, where a couple of thousand people watched Alex Salmond try and gee the party up following the win by the Conservative Party under John Major (Mr. Grey in Reservoir Dogs, I think...) Then, way back when, the party inspired it's activists and made us all want to go back, willing, able, wanting to fight them again.

We believed, we marched, we leafleted, we became - in essence at least - pilrims and evangelists for Scottish Independence. For one glorious period we attempted to inspire, even myself aged 18 and niave as hell, our countrymen. And we did, we built up the vote, we got people onside. And then, and then, John Swinney became leader. He brough with him an army of sycophants which would've made Chris Evans blush. An army of accountants, deviants and morons who turned us from being an opposition to a temporary annoyance.

I became disheartened, and buoyed by my socialist principles, and joined the Scottish Socialist Party. They believe in independence, they believe in saving my brothers and sisters from the intolerence and poverty that the westminster government has consigned them to.

And so I went to Bannockburn, an SSP member hoping that I had made a mistake, only to realise by the downturn in the rallies importance (70 YEARS in existance, jesus... Only to be proved, so unfortunately, right.

Depressed, and with friends I went to the Tartan Arms in Bannockburn that stormy, cold, ineffably rainy night to see Gaburlunzie and Cairdeies Brig. It only reinspired my confidence.

No one else has faith in the party anymore except the most dedicated. They've lost their fire and other fires have been built elsewhere for independence and it doesn't matter if we win westminster or the Scottish Parliament with the SNP anymore.

So to hell with the SNP leadership, although NOT the membership. While the leadership are more concerned with position than power, the membership, however loyal, remains dedicated. I'm proud of them, but I wish they could see the truth.

Jack McConnell went to America and wore a pin-striped kilt. If we had a decent, original and honourable Scottish National Party we would've said: "No. That is wrong and you are misrepresenting our people." If we had decent politicians, we would have watched them taking the Oath of Allegiance to Elizabeth of England and said: "No. That is wrong and you are misrepresenting our people."

So be it. We fight on.

You know, it never occurred to me that this thing would still be up. Or that it would've had thirty hits. Or have been on a few search engines. Who'd've thought that blogger would've needed some advertising space courtesy of me?

Okay, draft 2 (my first attempt at tonights report was pathetic).

So PLAN B: Office Conversations.

Let me get this one out of my system. Politically I'm pretty left wing. More so than most people, and on top of that I'm a stauch Scottish republican. This doesn't mean I condone the IRA / INLA / EMI / Germaine Greer or anything. What it does mean is that want a Scottish Socialist Republic.

People that work in offices, however, are different creatures that stalk the night to the ones that stalk the day. Put them in a pub after work and they're alright, decent, hardworking, nice, bland, Next wearing imbeciles. Put them in front of a monitor for eight hours and suddenly I've been teleported back to nuremberg.

It happens to the best of us, I heard myself saying a rather ominous phrase for a socialist: "I don't think stupid people should be allowed phones." I even went on to describe that instead of a credit check by the phone company, we should be subject to an intelligence check.

The way my scheme worked was like this:

"Hi BT operator. I'm Brenda and I'm from Cumbernauld."

"Hello Brenda from Cumbernauld. Do you want a phone service?"

"Yes I do nice operator person. Can I have one please?"

"Let me ask you a few simple questions:

"1. When you are in a group discussion and the subject turns to something you don't know what do you do?"

"Well BT operator..."

"My names Melissa."

"Well Melissa, generally I talk about myself, laugh and..."

"Yeah, okay. No.

"2. On which continent is Edinburgh?"

"Scotland... no, no, I'm being silly. Britain."

"Riiiggghttt... Next and finally: 3. The tap on your bath breaks while you are running it. You can't stop the tap, and you need to stop the bath from overflowing, what do you do?"

"Call the fire brigade."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah!"

"Not pull the plug out?"

Pause. "I'm not getting the phone am I?"

"No, you are too stupid. In fact, you are so dumb I'm sending round an armed response team dressed like Blakes 7 extras to put you into permanent solitary confinement. Byesie bye."

So, office conversations have turned me from a socialist agitator to Servalan from Blakes 7. And I don't even have a cocktail dress.

Alrighty? The rather pointless charade referred to as the Queen coming up the parliament was, for me, rather gleefully overshadowed by a Bomb Threat at Waverly Station in Edinburgh. To be honest, I reckon the police were itching for some over time.

I guess I should introduce myself since I've opened my own public blog. Hi! There you go, don't say I'm not nice to you.

I decided to do this because I was bored. I'm one of these people who likes watching the news, likes watching documentaries. But, to quote Hard Harry from the film Pump up the Volume. "All the greats have been used up and turned into theme parks."

"I'm sorry, but 10,000 of my brothers and sisters in Arran Sweaters is no advertisement for the protection of a language."

If you read most internet stuff on Scotland, you'd find a place that's either bedecked in Tartan or servile. That's not the Scotland that I know and live in.

It's a much funnier and cynical place that American Tartan Day is going to be able to show.

I'm a Republican, a Nationalist and a moaning, cynical bastard. Unlike most Nationalists I don't give a fuck about Gaihlig. Let the language die. I'm sorry, but 10,000 of my brothers and sisters in Arran Sweaters is no advertisement for the protection of a language.

I'm from Lanarkshire. No-one wants to protect the 100,000 strong language that my Lanarkshire Brothers and sisters speak. It's a little know one called "Nedage." There is no letter "T" in Nedage. One also speaks predominantly from the nasal cavity. One's voice must permanently sound like a motorbike starting.

Does the kilted SNP hierarchy protect Nedage? No. Not a jot.

I think I should get to my original point. And, despite my previous jokes, it is a serious one.

"I haven't been fucked like that since grade school." Helena Honham Carter in Fight Club.

There's a cancer at the heart of Scotland right now. You can feel it in the breeze of mediocre Saxophonists going down Buchanan Street in Glasgow. You can smell it when cheap wine makes the back seats of buses sticky with a generation of wasted lives.

Scotland now has it's own "Suicide Watch" Tsar, in the same way that a Drugs Tsar was created a few years ago.

Despite the fact I voted for the Scottish Socialist Party at the previous election. Despite my Republican Leanings. We look too much like white europeans for anyone to give a fuck racially. Political Correctness has made us bland. Each of the previous generations had a apocalypse to face. WW1, WW2, Korea, Vietnam, Cold War, Potential Nuclear Armageddon. Now our generation wakes up with the grim realisation that this crap didn't kill us and the adrenalin rush has left us directionless, far too familiar with drugery.

In the film, Fight Club, Brad Pitt (as Tyler Durden) said to the assembly in the Fight Club he created: "We were raised on television to believe that we'd all be millionares, movie gods, rock stars, but we won't. And we're starting to figure that out." Mind you, I am quoting the film which gets Helena Bonham Carter to say: "I haven't been fucked like that since grade school." But you get my point.

Anyway, I'm done for the day.

Some interesting links in relation to the below post are here:

Movement Against the Monarchy - Televangelist Anarchist Anti Monarchists. They've appeared on BBC2 they have.
ThroneOut - Funny, satirical, brilliant, controversial are some words I'd use for this website if I was a nice person.
Scottish Republican Socialist Movement - Devotees of the Glasgow Red Clydeside Firebrand John Maclean.
Scottish Resistance - New, and slightly smaller website than all the rest. Interesting graphics though.

If you've got anything to say, anything to add, you can e-mail me: firefox1297@msn.com

Kenny Contra Monarchy

Once upon a time there was a farmer called Kevin. He lived with about 14 other Kevin’s and Kevina’s. They farmed, they ate, the propagated. During winter when they couldn’t farm they propagated like sewer rats listening to Prince. They propagated all night long (All Night! Aww-awwll niiigghhhhttt… etc.)

Then one day, loads of other Kevin’s just down the valley decided that they liked the Upper Valley Kevin’s Land just as much as their own, and so decided, one crisp June morning, to go up with some heavy stone tools they used to build houses with, and lamp the Upper Valley Kevin’s; propagate some Kevina’s, chuck them out and double the amount of land they had.

So the Upper Valley Kevin’s did wander until one man declared himself the Head Kevin, ordered his obviously anxious band of homeless Kevin’s to get some of that Red Stuff that the sorcerers removed from Rocks (which they usually made into grass cutting implements) and ordered them to turn it into Kevin Cutting Implements. Naturally, the lower valley Kevin’s were smitten in their lion-skin shell suits and annihilated.

This tradition of the “Head Kevin” would last until the 3rd Day of June, 2003 when the last in a long line of Head Kevina’s would demand that her Scottish Proles promise not to sack her or any of her scrounging family because otherwise how would she pay for her Ermine Robes, Versace Shoes or Nepalese Rent Boys (wearing nice Christian Dior Combat fatigues)?

Yes indeedy, Good Queen Mabel is traipsing north so we all have to very nice, curtsey and mention the war as often as possible.

Now, I can understand why Kevin in Ancient Africa needed some form of expedient hierarchy to defend himself. But, seriously, we’re reaching into the realms of political necrophilia by keeping this charade going.

Tradition is the word used by people who are scared of taking responsibility. Ancient Tradition is the term used by Right Wing Newspaper Editors who are too drunk to bother defending the former term.

If we’re being honest, in Scotland, the only people who actually agree with the monarchy are Ranger’s Supporters (because they’re so dumb they think it’ll piss off Celtic Supporters), Celtic Supporters (because they’re too lazy to chant “Fuck the Prime Minister”) and old women (who are senile and need someone to help their tea-cosy fashion sense).

I nearly became a monarchist once. I was sitting in work one day, listening to the political philosophising in between staring at my screensaver and wanting to leave for a cigarette. I work in Council Tax, so the main arch-villain seems to occasionally be Tommy Sheridan. But that wasn’t the problem. My work would solve the world’s problems. Imagine, if you will, a Scotland that doesn’t allow immigration; in which single mothers stay home and look after their kids (but don’t get an increase in benefit). I looked at the quality of political discussion, went away, and had my cigarette thinking: “And I want to let these morons vote for a Prez?” Look at America. George Dubya. Jesus.

But no, no, no. Kenny, I said, (because I talk to myself) Kenny, they’re not that dumb; they’re just leading you into a false sense of superiority. I said I “nearly” became a monarchist at that point. I didn’t because having fortunately spoken to people in the real world; most people aren’t as shallow, self-opinionated and dumb the people I work with. (N.B. I haven’t used a pseudonym for this page, so whatever the f**k you do, don’t forward this to your mates.)

The point in the hierarchy of Monarchy is that it’s a protection thing. The world was an incredibly violent place for tens of millions of years. If you weren’t getting molested by a Dinosaur, you were chucking some horny Mongol or Viking off your wife. Having leadership cements your own position. It’s the pack instinct, survival of the fittest.

But the thing is, in my opinion, we’ve grown beyond that. We still need leaders, but the lottery of whichever Norman Family is the best at shagging is getting a bit old. There are GOOD presidents.

Remember Yeltsin leading the People against the counter attack by the Communist Old Guard? Okay, so later on he was an alcoholic. Or maybe even Putin refusing to be bullied by America into Bombing Iraq? How about Castro defying America for years on their own doorstep?

Or even the dynasty of Germans who were played as pawns by the Allies for fifty years against the Soviet Union; who were attacked by some of the most effective and violent terrorist organisations in Western Europe; who faced the ashes of the second world war, having no army, very little remaining infrastructure and reputation as war criminals, Nazi’s and homicidal maniacs and having their country ripped into two. And despite all that, they built a country a damn site better than this one and united everything they lost.

Look at the evidence. The voices of the past have been silenced, sacked and replaced. All the heroes these families were bred from are now dead and their gene pool is so dangerously inbred that every royal is STILL screened for the same illness which drove King George III insane. Meanwhile the rest of the world moves on, and we still have to show deference to a bag lady, her mad husband and her vacuous children.