How Many Socialists?

How many Socialists?

Q. How many Socialist Workers Party members does it take to change a light bulb.
A. Four. One to change the bulb, one to write about it for "the paper", one to sell you "the paper" and another to follow you home and ask why you weren't at the bulb changing, if you plan to make the next one and if you were still as committed.

Q. How many Socialist Party members does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They have to wait for Peter Hadden to take the lead.

Q: How many New Labour Party members does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They haven't got a policy on that in case they lose votes.

Q: How many Stalinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to establish the state production quota, two hundred militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an '800' number to order an American light bulb.

Q: How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, that's the proletariat's work!
A: Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!

Q: How many American Imperialist Pigs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three - one to put in the bulb, and two to search through the cartons of inferior American produced light bulbs for one that isn't defective.

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the seeds of revolution and change are within the light bulb itself.

Q: How many Spartacus members does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You can't CHANGE a light bulb!

Q: How many Trotskyites does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It's no use trying to CHANGE it; it's got to be SMASHED!!!

Q: How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: All of them.

Q: How many Communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two - one to screw it in, and a second to hand out leaflets.
A: One, but it takes him about 30 years to realize that the old one has burnt out.

Q: How many Chinese Red Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10,000 - to give the bulb a cultural revolution.

Q: How many Maoists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to screw in the bulb and a thousand to chant "Fight Darkness!"

Q: How many Green Party members does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they use light bulbs, which don't burn out, so they don't know how.

Q: How many Hoxhaists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he will be expelled as a revisionist.


Q: How many members of the RSF does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's a cop question! Don’t Answer!!!

Q: How many members of the 32 County Sovereignty Committee does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to call in the United Nations for advice on bulb sovereignty, one to check if the light bulb was made in Ireland and one to stop Marianne punching the backs of members of Sinn Fein who are trying to prevent the light from being switched on in case their members can see.

Q: How many members of Sinn Fein does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Irrelevant: It's not included in the Good Friday Agreement

Q: How many members of IRSP does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. The ERPS can’t afford electricity. They use candles (borrowed from Strabane)!