Vice City Stories

Okay. So back three or four years ago my mate Matthew finally found a girl not only willing to put up with him (props for that Elise!) but who, apparently, was also willing to breed with him. And so the world consequently got itself two more Celtic Supporters. Unfortunately for me, my best mate then went to live in Florida.

You'd think Florida would be a great place to live, but apparently they've got even more nut jobs than we do. See his last email below:

"Are you Irish?" woman asks

"No, Scottish."

"You sound Irish, well you sound all alike!"

"Are you Mexican?"

"That's disgusting...."

She walked away. This shows the true real Southern people of the USA, believe me it can get worse.

If anybody you know who says, 'Florida is great' Tell them to come to Citrus County, basically, tell them not to go to Tampa, Orlando or Miami

Second lady was telling me, that her son is living in Germany and married to a Finnish girl.In Finland, income tax is 68%, health system is in excellent order, streets were clean, landscape is beautiful and there is no worry about their National Insurance/Social Security.

So after I've become Governor of Florida, I'll be back to be President of Scotland. Income tax will be 70%, council tax will be 5% value on all homes, if you live in a house worth over 200,000 you will pay 15%.VAT will be at 25%. Free health,dental and vision, better public transport. Build a super airport in Croy (trains services to Edinburgh and Glasgow, using my noggin)Then we'll see what happens from there! Put that idea to your friends and see what they think?

Third lady, I just wanted to cry.

Black lady maybe in her late 30's, with a small kid about 6 or 7.

She asked if I was Scottish, told me she went to Scotland loved it, loved Loch Lomond, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Stirling.

Went to Ireland, Galway and Dublin. Then the weird thing about her trip was she took the kid to see the dogs getting trained for the Police and fire brigade.

Then she told me it was a Scottish charity group that took her, the kid and a bunch of other people over.

Carron kids charity group? She was uncertain about the name.

Then the teary moment, her husband died in the 9/11 attacks. I felt terrible, it was a pleasure talking to her and I didn't even ask her name.