Letter from Florida - 1

My best friend moved to America a long while ago, and occasionally I get a funny e-mail I thought I'd forward along with my blog.

Backstory: I got a phone call around about the time Hurricane Whatever was hitting Florida (where the jammy basturt happens to live) and asked him for a piece on experiencing a Natural distaster. I thought it'd be interesting for Scottish readers to read a Scots perspective on things. Naturally, it wasn't entirely as expected (and rather funnier:)

From Hamish MacPhisto: Help is needed for millions of people in Florida. In recent days temperatures are dipping to the low 70's. Millions of Floridians are shivering in the cold. "It's cold, it feels like being in Alaska." That was the view of Bubba Redneck, as he was looking for a tooth he lost under his trailer after a night of drinking Natural Light beer!

We are asking to send all warm cardigans and wooly jumpers as the weather gets colder. Any of the latest styles, especially from the mid 1970's are welcomed as this is the latest fashion craze here in the South.

Amazing scenes here at the 4th hand store......a fight just broke out, as 2 customers are fighting over what seems to be a ........Billy Ray Cyrus album!!!

Back to the news. Please send out many warm clothing as the terrible conditions in Florida continue.

Thank you, we promise not to bomb your country if you are good to us!!!!

I liked it and asked him if he'd anything else to say:

The Profiles of Citrus Comical:

Here she is lads, the hottest chick in Southern US of A!

NAME: Betty Sue Diaz (not a Mexican)

AGE: 19

LIKES: Eating possums while watching QVC

DISLIKES: Yankees

HOBBIES: Sitting on the her rocking chair.

CHILDREN: Yes, 7. 3 are my brothers (according to my Daddy, this is ok. As long as he is watching with his camcorder)

FAVOURITE COLOUR: Any colour, as long it's not black!!!

CAREER: To be living a trailer, with 10 kids by I'm 25. And to have at most, 3 of my own teeth.