Monday, October 31, 2005

Cumbernauld Rant

Carbuncle Awards, Scotland: "Carbuncles - Carnyx PR 21.10.05: It gives us absolutely no pleasure to announce that four years after the last award was handed out, Cumbernauld has won the Plook on the Plinth Award for the Most Dismal Town in Scotland, again. In 2001, Cumbernauld won the award and this year the public has expressed their displeasure with the state of its town centre by giving it the nod once more. Over 6,000 individuals have accessed our voting pages for the Award. Cumbernauld received 28% of the vote with its closest rival Ardrossan in second place with 17%."

Right, lets get onto this one. I am, and have been, my whole life a Cumbernauld resident. My own particular kind are colloquially known as a "Villagers" as being from Condorrat, on the western fringe of Cumbernauld.

Apparently, I live in a shithole. Apparently, I live in the "most dismal town in Scotland".

I have a few things to say...

First, anyone who calls Cumbernauld a shithole has clearly never been to Harthill, near Shotts. It's a little piece of Ulster bigotry in the heartland of Caledonia. It's the kind of place that removes it's little green men from it's crossing points and it's green traffic lights because they share a common colour with a far away football team.

Second, this is all coming from a society of media junkies who follow who Kate Moss has recently got high with or who listens to the meanderings of Trinny and Susanna. Fuck you! Fuck your insatiable need to watch an awards ceremony where the requirement for winning involves how many greasy pop stars Fern Cotton has humped that weeks on Top of the Pops Diet Extra.

"Hi, I'm an average moron, I want to read a report on an award that involves a sentence Charles Mountbatten uttered whilst getting a blow job from Camilla Parker-Uglybitch."

Thirdly, anyone who decides that the most important factor in determining a towns "popularity" is how it's buildings look deserves to be strung up from every lamp-post between Cumbernauld and Berwick. Should you find yourself in that category, I suggest you kill yourself now because your shallow, pointless, unrepentant little life isn't going to get any easier. You're the kind of person that's going to watch Nigella Lawson making that cakes and when you go to bed at night, wank over her face in your facile, pretentious little dreams that you're far more important than you are. You're just another coffin on Bruce Forsyth's Generation Game conveyer belt. You're more dead now than you will be when you have lost the battle to cancer or "avian flu".

Fourthly, I don't like your attitude. You think that how pretty a town looks is what's important? Uh-oh... you've got all the IQ of a glass of tepid water! The roster of the school I was at switches between a list of people who ended up in great jobs, and those who ended up selling drugs to kids and killing themselves before they were 18. In people terms, that still puts us above Glasgow, although we don't have to listen to those interminable Urban Legends about that Gang-bang that Lulu went to in Govan.

Fifthly, what should I have expected? The society I'm from is so bankrupt it's daily hard-on has to come from Big Brother or who Simon Cowell slags off from X-Factor.

But why should I care? I cum all over the face of your pathetic culture. Some of us are individuals. Some of us want to re-start fox-hunting using every vacuous Television presenter who have ever tried to be "interesting" by teasing the weather girl as a target. Some of us watch your outcries of disgrace at the Turner Prize as a genuine seal of approval.

You are a society of slaves. You are a society of serfs. "Little people in little houses, like maggots: small, blind, and worthless." Manic Street Preachers.

It's like watching a car crash sometimes, your cat-calls over whomever your masters want you to bark at: Serbia, Afghanistan, Iraq, the moon... Any arab, lesbian, black, unBritish, unWhite, SLAVE. Raus! Raus!

You deserved every riot, didn't you? You deserved every serial-killer, every rapist, every child abuser, every burglary, every drug victim? You must have done, it's not like you ever tried to vote your way out of it, did you? It was easier to go to Asda that vote for someone... Of course, there wasn't anyone to vote for, was there? No, that three feet long ballot paper had NO-ONE on it, did it? It's not because you're a moron, is it?

"Keep the Tories out! Keep the Tories out!" Yeah, that worked for you, didn't it? You kept the Tories out and invited Labour in. You like the nanny-state... You like your personal freedoms eroded... You like several extra layers of extra government... You like a health service that's badly run... You like crime laws that are lacklustre and based on who the Sun Editor wants to fuck that week?

(As an aside, if Rebekah Wade, Sun Editor, was a man, she'd be declared a pervert for the soft-porn articles she's included of a fifteen year old Harry Potter Actress, who I won't name. Shout this one loud: REBEKAH WADE IS A PERVERT!)

So, in summary.

Think for yourself.

And for the intellectually challenged amongst you, I bring DICTIONARY CORNER:

i·ro·ny n. pl. i·ro·nies

1. The use of words to express something different from and often opposite to their literal meaning.
2. An expression or utterance marked by a deliberate contrast between apparent and intended meaning.
3. A literary style employing such contrasts for humorous or rhetorical effect. See Synonyms at wit1..
4. Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs: “Hyde noted the irony of Ireland's copying the nation she most hated” (Richard Kain).
5. An occurrence, result, or circumstance notable for such incongruity. See Usage Note at ironic.
6. Dramatic irony.
7. Socratic irony.


sar·casm Pronunciation Key (särkzm) n.

1. A cutting, often ironic remark intended to wound.
2. A form of wit that is marked by the use of sarcastic language and is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule.
3. The use of sarcasm. See Synonyms at wit1.


dramatic irony n.

The dramatic effect achieved by leading an audience to understand an incongruity between a situation and the accompanying speeches, while the characters in the play remain unaware of the incongruity.

reverse psychology
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: a technique of convincing a person that they will not succeed in hopes that it will spur them to succeed; a technique employing pessimism in order to effect a positive outcome

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Letter from Florida - 1

My best friend moved to America a long while ago, and occasionally I get a funny e-mail I thought I'd forward along with my blog.

Backstory: I got a phone call around about the time Hurricane Whatever was hitting Florida (where the jammy basturt happens to live) and asked him for a piece on experiencing a Natural distaster. I thought it'd be interesting for Scottish readers to read a Scots perspective on things. Naturally, it wasn't entirely as expected (and rather funnier:)


From Hamish MacPhisto: Help is needed for millions of people in Florida. In recent days temperatures are dipping to the low 70's. Millions of Floridians are shivering in the cold. "It's cold, it feels like being in Alaska." That was the view of Bubba Redneck, as he was looking for a tooth he lost under his trailer after a night of drinking Natural Light beer!

We are asking to send all warm cardigans and wooly jumpers as the weather gets colder. Any of the latest styles, especially from the mid 1970's are welcomed as this is the latest fashion craze here in the South.


Amazing scenes here at the 4th hand store......a fight just broke out, as 2 customers are fighting over what seems to be a ........Billy Ray Cyrus album!!!

Back to the news. Please send out many warm clothing as the terrible conditions in Florida continue.

Thank you, we promise not to bomb your country if you are good to us!!!!

I liked it and asked him if he'd anything else to say:

The Profiles of Citrus Comical:

Here she is lads, the hottest chick in Southern US of A!

NAME: Betty Sue Diaz (not a Mexican)

AGE: 19

LIKES: Eating possums while watching QVC

DISLIKES: Yankees

HOBBIES: Sitting on the her rocking chair.

CHILDREN: Yes, 7. 3 are my brothers (according to my Daddy, this is ok. As long as he is watching with his camcorder)

FAVOURITE COLOUR: Any colour, as long it's not black!!!

CAREER: To be living a trailer, with 10 kids by I'm 25. And to have at most, 3 of my own teeth.


Sunday, October 23, 2005

Chic Murray quotes and quotations

Chic Murray quotes and quotations: My father was a simple man. My mother was a simple woman. You see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.

My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course.

A neighbour put his budgie in the mincing machine and invented shredded tweet.

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month.

If something's neither here nor there, where the hell is it?

I was taking my dog out the other day and I met this chap who asked me where I was going. The dog is foaming at the mouth, so I explained that I was on my way to the vet to have it put down. He asked if it was mad, to which I replied that it wasn't exactly pleased about it.

I made my way downstairs. The stairs lead the way down onto the...street. They lead all the way up too, of course...saves me having two stairways.

Scottish Republicanism - A History and Future

If you believed the press, Scottish Republicanism would be confined to a few outspoken hairy-knee’d fundamentalist’s at the Scottish National Party conferences.

But Scottish Republicanism runs deeper, and longer, than the Brits would care to admit.

It began following the French and American Revolutions, which would inspire not only political thinkers in Scotland, but its artists and it’s poets. The obvious casualty of the Unionist hijacking is Robert Burns, Scottish National Bard, and Scottish Republican. How anyone who said: “The story of Wallace poured a Scottish prejudice in my veins, which will boil along there til the floodgates of life shut in eternal rest” can be written into history as a unionist hero is of breathtaking dim-witted propagandery.

One of Scottish Republicanisms earliest victories came with the taking of Menzies Castle during the 1797 United Scotsmen uprising, and organisation that grew through the influence of their sister organisation, the United Irishmen.

United Scotsmen were at the forefront of the 1820 Insurrection and General Strike (the first of its kind on this Island). James Wilson of Strathaven, who carried the Banner “Scotland Free or a Desert” was a US veteran who was one of the last in the “UK” (along with Andrew Hardie of Glasgow and John Baird of Condorrat) to be sentenced to be hung, drawn and quartered for treason.

The Labour Party and other unionists would later hijack these rebellious Scots. Of course, they’ll write out the parts that don’t fit in with Unionism. Take Thomas McFarlane, a Condorrat man who helped Baird form the Condorrat Radicals to march with the Glasgow Radicals onto Carron Ironworks. It is a matter of public record that he was a member of the United Scotsmen before later organising the Condorrat Radicals. He was fighting for an Independent Scottish Republic his whole life, and even after being transported to Australia, came home to the jubilation of the Condorraters at the time. He had been sentenced to death, but this was commuted.

Rebellious Scots would lead to the vote for the working classes, and more indirectly, the vote for women. But clearly, our place could not be revealed or contained. Whilst in the overall scheme of history Scottish Republicanism would create the Scottish National Party and the Scottish Labour Party, this was too much for faint Brutish hearts. Instead of Scottish Republican martyrs, would be replaced with the timid, and ultimately pointless Todpuddle Martyrs, who were merely sent away by a Liberal Government who should’ve know better. Unlike the Scottish Radicals, they would not die for their sins.

Between then and now, Scottish Republicanism would be suppressed and contained. Instead of Baird, Hardie, Wilson and Thomas Muir we would learn about Pitt the Pointless and the birth of the Union and why it was good for us. Instead of learning about James Connelly of Edinburgh, we would be taught about the various roads to various wars and why we won all of them. If we didn’t win it: like the American Wars of Independence or the Irish Wars of Independence, then it was far too controversial to talk about, and therefore we would be taught something far more fitting, like Henry VIII, William the Conqueror or the Battle of Britain.

However, inevitably, Scottish Republicanism persisted. The Scottish Republican Army, which continued after comrades served our brothers during 1916 et al they came home and remained committed to a Scottish Republic.

It survived in Scottish Republican John Maclean during Red Clydeside, who taught his people relentlessly, and who was hounded until the very day he was martyred. To this day a Rally is held in Pollockshaws on Saint Andrew’s Day to commemorate the man who kept the Spirit of Republicanism alive in Glasgow during the dark period of the first world war.

In 1952-4 a bright spot in Scottish Republicanism came, when the Brits truly where sent hame tae thing again. Elizabeth of England would deign to call herself “Elizabeth II” in Scotland’s eyes and Scottish Republicans rebelled, destroyed emblems up and down the country. To this day the English would never dare put “EIIR” in Scotland for fear it would be intentionally slandered. A minor victory, but one that proved that Scottish Republicanism survived, persisted and grown.

It is these victories, these histories that Scottish Republicans grow upon. It is a battle over two hundred years in the making, and one that the Brits amongst us so sorely want to repress it almost hurts them.

Scottish Republicanism exists and grows within our society, not as much as we would want, but still effective and determined to prevail. During a poll four or five years ago a poll was taken regarding the presence of the monarchy in Scotland, we bucked the trend and was the only country on this Island to reject the monarchy. Opinion polls consistently bring up Scottish Independence as being the favoured option for the Scottish People.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

The Saltire Boards of Cumbernauld

Max does the website that I've mentioned before.

Let me take you back to these two articles:

SALTIRE SIGNS ON MOVE AGAIN AS MYSTERY GROWS

16:00 - 30 September 2005

An Anti-English group has gone on the march in the North-east -following a fly-posting crackdown

After a series of St Andrew's cross signs were removed in the Stonehaven area, new ones have appeared on three main roads miles away.

The signs - featuring a St Andrew's cross with a small white "P" - can be seen on the A90 north of Aberdeen near Ellon, the A944 west of Elrick, and the B9000 Pitmedden road.

The signs are thought to be the work of anti-English group, the Scottish Patriots, which encourages the making and displaying of signs.

Scottish Patriot members view Westminster and the Scottish Parliament as "illegal assemblies", designed to deny "Scotland and its people their sovereign rights".

BT swung into action after the Evening Express highlighted signs in the Stonehaven area.

Around half a dozen, screwed to BT telegraph poles, were removed in recent weeks from the B979 Peterculter to Stonehaven road.

A BT spokeswoman said: "It is not possible for us to check all streets but where we are made aware of the existence of these items, we are removing them.

"We would like to remind organisations and individuals that they have no legal right to place such items on our property."

The Scottish Patriots organisation was said to be founded by Andrew McIntosh, who was found dead in Craiginches Prison, Aberdeen, last October. The organisation could not be contacted.

Aberdeenshire Council and Grampian Police are monitoring the situation.

*********************

Following this is a short piece in todays P & J :

MORE SALTIRE SIGNS ARE SEEN IN REGION

More Scots Patriot signs are reported to have been put on telegraph poles in parts of Aberdeenshire, despite a fly posting crackdown.

The Anti English nationalist group is thought to be responsible for placing a number of Saltire signs which feature a small white 'P' on them, on the A90 north of Aberdeen near Ellon, the A944 west of Elrick and the Aberdeen Pitmedden road.

The new signs appeared just three months after eight signs appeared in the Stonehaven area.

The placards made of old wood are painted and screwed to telegraph poles about 8ft up.

They are believed to be a sign the group is still thriving despite the death of founder Andrew McIntosh in Craiginches Prison, Aberdeen last year.

The Saltires are also thought to be part of a peaceful protest, however, aimed at embedding the image of the flag in the national psyche.

---------------------

So, I'd sent Max these two articles and he was rather intruiged by them. I guess they ignited his Dadaist sympathies or maybe merely that they'd seemed so out of the ordinary that it was worthwhile.

Whatever it was he sent me this reply:

From: maxvondenizen@y...
To: kenneth.sheerin@b...
Sent: Saturday, October 22, 2005 10:28 PM
Subject: FW: The Saltire Boards of Cumbernauld

You should know that I've been able to get them up much easier than your paranoid suggestions indicated.

I've put four up around Palacerigg. I even spoke to some haircut riding her horse around the third one. I'll send you the pictures next week.

Why did you think it would be so difficult?

Either way, we've gotten some up in Cumbernauld. Cool, no?

Max

The e-mail above is from Max, who does one of the Internet website's I've mentioned on the right. He has put up some Saltire Boards in Cumbernauld. One of the interesting things about this is that it is the first ones to be seen outside of Aberdeen where they began.

Max is sending me some pics of his "artwork" and I'll publish them when I receive them.

Saturday, October 15, 2005


Big Giant Head: This was so sci-fi I had to get a picture of it, no matter what format it was in. I had the same film in the camera I had in the other pictures, and in the end it reminded me of a Scottish Metropolitan. This exhibit can also be found in the Kelvingrove Art Gallery. (well, lets hope, it's still being refurbished).  Posted by Picasa


This is another shot of the car in the other photo. I just represents the despair of urban Central Belt towns. No-one cares about us, and we don't even seem to care about ourselves.  Posted by Picasa


The was a burnt out, broken car; it was stolen and deposited in Morar Field, Condorrat. I liked the Black and White Shot (taken on Ilford film).  Posted by Picasa


This was taken a while ago in the Kelvingrove Art Gallery. I liked the combination of past being in focus and the present being blurred.  Posted by Picasa

Monday, October 10, 2005

Nationalism, Art, etcetera...

I’ve been a tad on the busy side over the past couple of weeks, and amongst the events I found myself at was the Rally for a Republic (Oct 1) and a pro-Independence Meeting @ Socialism 2005 (Oct 8).

Both events mentioned events in Corsica that I hadn’t realised before. On both occasions it was brought up by Lloyd Quinan. (Briefly, a link is here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4288994.stm)

The actual events are interesting (and, incidentally, virtually unreported over here) but that’s not what I was intending to bring up. Equally as interesting, was how far deep in Corsican society, (and equally so in Basque and Catalonian Society) was how entrenched their pro-independence struggles were. Trade Union Activists captured the ship. It wasn’t some militia; it was their equivalent of shop stewards. Over here, if you want Independence, that’s what you do, you go out and get Independence.

At the Oct 8 meeting, activists in the room were being challenged to think up ways make the struggle more relative the locality where they were from.

Naturally, when I was thinking about this myself, and what I could do, I naturally though about the two areas where I feel most comfortable: on Computers and being the artsy-fartsy bastard that I can be at times.

On that note, a thought had occurred to me. Partly about the art-project / ARG Neurocam, which I’ve mentioned before. The art aspect, which personally I interpreted in a more Dadaist / Surrealist sense, is why I joined it (see previous articles).

I had been toying with the idea of doing a Scottish Dadaist thing for some time. I even had a template for a website lurking on my Computer. One that’s rather stylish, more image based and based on my photography and some of my writing, as well as some images based upon themes that frankly are rather absurb and a wee bit complicated to go into here.

I felt a wee bit insecure about it, partly because the Dadaists I respected tended to be of the variety that were at the Cabaret Voltaire despairing about the war, not out there at rallies behaving like a crap, fat, Che Guevara.

So, that’s one of my ideas. Strange one, admittedly, but an idea nonetheless. A Scottish Independence Dadaist Art Project on the Internet. One that is guaranteed not to appeal to the very people it will be marketed to (which is kind of the point).

Saturday, October 08, 2005

2007 Treaty of Union anti-celebrations - from SR Website

2007 - 300 Years of Scottish Defiance



2007 will mark 300 years of Scottish Resistance against the British.

All SR members, friends and associates will want to mark this contempible celebration with the defiance that their ancestors marked during 300 years of struggle.

This Sticky thread is YOUR chance to make clear what YOU want to happen. If you don't want your suggestion to be public here, then merely e-mail SR at: scottishresistance@yahoo.com

Act of Union Formally Passed: 16 January 1707
English Parliament formally ratifies Treaty of Union: 28 February, 1707
Acts of Union receives Royal Assent: 6 March 1707
Scotland's Parliament meets for the last time and is adjourned: 25 March 1707
The Scottish Parliament is formally dissolved. 28 April 1707
The opening of the Vichy Parliament: 1 July 1999

300 years of tyranny, greed, oppression and lies have lead to where we are now, as much slaves as we were in Day One.

We need to plan NOW for Scottish Freedom. We need ideas, stunts, events, to counter the celebrations of Union. Until it's all over, this thread will remain here.

How do you want to make the dream a nightmare?

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Independence First :: View topic - British government intimidation of the BBC

Independence First :: View topic - British government intimidation of the BBC: "From today's Herarld:

LABOUR ministers worked with the Conservative leadership and civil servants to intimidate the BBC into blocking
a series of programmes that were seen as encouraging support for the SNP, according to secret government files.

Civil servants, who were supposed to be impartial, were required to find out the political leanings of academics
taking part in the programmes. This formed a dossier of evidence with which the government accused the corporation
of political bias to the SNP.

The 1977 campaign to intimidate the BBC involved Michael Foot and John Smith, both of whom would go on to lead the
Labour party, as well as Francis Pym, who was Conservative shadow leader of the Commons. He was first to alert his
opposite number, Mr Foot, to the programmes.

The civil servants involved in the campaign included a press officer in 10 Downing Street, and Jacqui Lait, who would
go on to become a Tory MP and shadow Scottish secretary. Helen Liddell, who became Scottish secretary and is now high
commissioner in Australia, was involved in the operation as well. In 1977, she had just left the BBC and become general
secretary of the Labour party in Scotland.

The five programmes were made by the corporation in 1977 to examine how Scotland might look by 1980 if it became
independent. At the time, the SNP had 11 MPs at Westminster, and the district council elections threatened Labour and
Conservatives with a continued Nationalist surge. The pressure on the BBC was successful in having the programmes
postponed, though they were broadcast after the council elections.

Information released under the freedom of information legislation has shown how a Labour minister in the Scottish
Office, Harry Ewing, now Lord Ewing, feared the implications of the broadcast were 'serious enough to warrant
intervention by the government at the most senior level'.

The revelations about Labour's campaign to intimidate the BBC because of fears about the SNP follow the release of a
civil service memo advising Labour ministers on how 'to take the wind out the SNP sails', while warning of the strong
case for Scotland to be independent with access to oil revenues.

The memo written in 1974 by Gavin McCrone, then a senior Scottish economist, was circulated in senior government
circles the following year, showing the argument for independence was much stronger than Whitehall had admitted.

That memo is to be the subject of a debate called by the SNP at Holyrood this morning. Kenny MacAskill, SNP deputy
leader at Holyrood, whose research team turned up both documents from previously secret files, is to raise the new
evidence of anti-Nationalist action by the 1970s Labour government.

'We now have government seeking to undermine democracy. The 1977 district elections were pivotal. The BBC was being
leant on. If you interfere with it, then you undermine the democratic process,' said the Lothian MSP.

What next? Vote rigging?"

Richey Edwards

Richey Edwards

This is a website I particularly like. There's an article called "Anna's view" on here which takes you backstage and past the mystique into the blood-filled mediocrity that exists in everyone.

Chalk it up under "flawed heroes".

suicide note

suicide note

This is another link from the "Sick and Wrong" file, but which is a remarkable website.

Whether or not the original author ever existed is neither here nor there, it is remarkable because of what individuals make of it themselves.


Revelations