Vote Independence

The last thing our country needs right now is another three hundred years swearing fealty to unionists for simply being allowed to be a subject of Brenda Windsor.

I thought I would take this opportunity to address a few myths regarding Independence. In my own way... (ahem).

Myth 1: Home Rule means Pope / Prod Rule:

Dear god... this is by far my least favourite. This tends to centre around the West of Scotland and, frankly, should stay there. It's propagated by bigots who can't argue with you. It's directed towards their alcoholic neighbours and housewives who don't want to think for themselves. There... I said it. If you believe this: you are a moron.

I feel I should at least bother to try and refute this rather than just rant about idiots like this not being allowed internet access or telephones.

To my mind, we don't have the depth of division in Scotland that is apparent in traditionally sectarian countries. Yes, there is sectarian violence, but this has never been exploited by political parties, per se. The "myth" has proved to be a feature in some areas for the Labour Party, but by no means would I suggest that this is endemic in top levels of the party.

Equally, take politics today. Voters in Airdrie, traditionally "labelled" a protestant heartland got angry (and rightly so) against Labour in Karen Whitefields constituency precisely because she stood idly by and let Catholic Coatbridge build all it's nice shops, leisure centres, bowling alleys and cinemas while finding something else to while their hospital was shut down. Chances are that Karen's game is a bogey and the SNP will get Airdrie. Nobody brought up religion, if you read the local newspapers is bread-and-butter politics being discussed.

My reasoning is that you aren't morons. Yes, our system is complete shit, but I have a higher opinion of you than that at the first opportunity you'll wander off and batter the next ethnic minority at the first opportunity. I've sat behind you in buses. You're quite nice. Really...

Myth 2: Ooh... Nationalism... that's bad... that's like... violent and stuff...

This one rips my knitting as well.

After the Perth AGM of Independence First I was in a pub with a guy who I discussed my membership of Siol nan Gaidheal. He was a left winger and brought up the fact that we're all bad nasty fascists and racists and so were the SNP and... You get the point. This comes more from the left than it does the right, but it's pretty endemic. It usually uses "Yugoslavia" as the "Aaa ooh!" part of it's song.

My answer to that is this: all politics has blood on it's hands. The left winger who makes allegations of racism is conveniently forgetting the blood on his own hands. I'll bet he's wearing a Che Guevara t-shirt. How many people did Che kill? He led ACTUAL revolutions. Now... that didn't involve him going to Bolivia to sell copies of the Socialist Worker. He took a gun.

And all over Europe and North America you'll find a trail of blood attributed to Socialism. You'll find Germany's Red Army Faction; Frances Actione Directe (sic); Red Brigades here, there and everywhere. Diet Red Brigades, Cherry flavour Red Brigades, Maoists, Trots and Commies all of who have rifles under their beds. You can go up to the Northwest of America and find the United Freedom Front and Red Guerrilla Resistance blowing up and robbing their way through New York. Lets be honest, the death toll is fucking huge.

Swing to the right wing and you'll find the Conservatives. Nothing bad about them, surely? Surely that nice Dictator Maggie Thatcher, who managed - miraculously - to have two separate wars and not invade someone once, didn't have links to nasty violent political people.

It's best not to ask them yourself. They'll probably neglect to mention Enoch "Rivers of Blood" Powell and Oswald "Crazy Bastard" Mosely (who was a member for the Tories in Harrow... which was nice): posters boys of your friendly neighbourhoodie fascists: the BNP, C18, National Front. They also might neglect to point out that they've sat next to "Psycho fun boy" Ian Paisley numerous times in numerous parliaments.

Your ballot paper is drenched in blood from the right wing to the left wing. Since the SNP was formed, it has been the most consistent vehicle for Independence. And they got a parliament without killing anyone. A damn sight better than the one gotten in Northern Ireland which has been dumped more times than I, or my wheely bin has been. Equally, the organisation I'm a member of: the SRSM helped persuade the groups who formed the original SSP that independence was a groovy idea and that they should hop on board the Indy train and dance to crappy folk music like the rest of us.

My point to unionist is this: if you want to look for violent ghosts in shadows, you'd be better served looking in your own political parties rather than in my Pro-Independence belief system. Most of the unionist parties have had members who have either advocated or attempted to create rivers of blood.

Myth 3: We cannae afford it Captain... there's nae merr money!

I can't help being patronising sometimes. It's just who I am:

Oh really... the country who spawned the guy who INVENTED the Bank of England can't build a decent economy. The country who spawned THE OTHER GUY who first documented Capitalism can't work out how to pay the bills? (William Paterson fae Tinwald in Dumfries and Galloway founded the Bank of England and Adam Smith fae Kirkcaldy worked out capitalism an' that).

Frankly, if you're stupid enough to subscribe to that myth you just lost the right to talk to me.

Myth 4: Black Gold

I think I missed that meeting. You know... the one where it was agreed that your country has to have oil to exist. Or to economically proper...

Ssshhhh... I just had an idea. If you're Irish you'd better go read something else. By that argument we should invade so that we can liberate them from their "non oil"ness. It would be only honourable on our part. We'd be doing them a favour.

They've a successful economy and don't have oil. Hmmm...

Either way, there is NO PROOF being documented that Oil is about to run out in the North Sea. And if it does... So what? Other countries proper, why the hell can't we?

Myth 5: Passports and Border Guards

My good friend Alyson probably worries about this one. Her current squeeze, Stevie from Jasper Carrot country, might be affected by the very issue.

Aside from the fact that people living here would get naturalisation rights and nationality IF THEY WANTED IT... It's in most of the manifestos and press briefings.

Honestly, Pro Indy supporters are all rather Swedish and nice about this issue. We want to be cool and nice and groovy and don't want to make your life, like, hard... dude. We're all cool.

I can guarantee there won't be any sniper towers this side of Gretna at any time. If "Stevie" is stopped at the border, it's merely because I fancy his girlfriend and nothing to do with the fact he's English....