Sunday, June 03, 2007

Countdown 2

“I sort of felt sorry for the damn flies. They never hurt anybody. Even though they were supposed to carry disease, I never heard of anybody say he caught anything from a fly. My cousin gave two guys the clap and nobody ever whacked her with a newspaper.” Lenny Bruce – How to talk dirty and influence people.

1 - Welcome back online

How are you? Are you okay?

We have to get the technical stuff out of the way first; otherwise you might end up confused. You shouldn’t think I’m trying to patronise you, it’s just that someone around here needs help and it isn’t you, okay?

The reason you can’t remember your old pal Max is because you’ve had a slight accident. A rather monumental one, actually, I don’t mind admitting that. Mind you, it didn’t happen to me…

Most first chapters introduce one or all of the main characters: The first would be you. Fame at last! You are a legend! You are a god! You have had sex with all the people you have ever wanted, and felt warm and squishy in more than one dimension of reality.

That is the other point: you are not anything consequential where you are now. Nope. You are a nothing; zip; de nada; Count Zero of the Security-Guard Role Playing Club. Your ‘reality’ is so dull, so meaningless and so mind-wrenchingly pedantic it’s a surprise you’ve not actually committed suicide yet. Go and get that rope or those razor blades because it’s not getting any better.

I jest, READ ON...

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