Picts Ya Bass!

The Roman Legions tried in vain,
The Saxon, aye, and Vikings came,
Nane o' them could us contain,
Heed this gentle warnin'. (Clann an Drummer and / or Trad.)

This is the insides of the newly built Cumbernauld Town Centre. This was shortly before my friend Alyson heard me shout (in a rather loud voice) "Picts Ya Bass."

First off, let me apologise for my John Sweeney-like (him of the Scientologist docu) break into tourettes. If it makes you feel better, no-one noticed (or cared). But this whole crappy Roman obsessions rips my knitting.

The Antonine Wall (which the shopping centre is named after) wasn't the border marker that Hadrian's Wall was. It had more men pass through it than your average brothel on "freebie day".

It also ignores those rather groovy painted Celts who gave numerous ninth-legion lampings to those nice men in the Red Frocks.

I think what pisses me off is that of all Scotland's enemies they didn't pick a decent one. Sure, Rome was all macho and a Hannibal-bashing and a-Jesus-Crucifying all over the rest of the world, but up here the built a few forts, built a shit wall and often retreated back to man the main one, which I'm guessing was named after Adrianus Molus a thirteen year old geek obsessed with some girl and her infection box.

If you're going to choose the other side, at least choose the English. They were much tougher and far more windswept and rugged. And eventually those bastards would produce Monty Python.