Charlie the Chinchilla

Dedicated to the Liberal Democrats...

Charlie the Chinchilla was a little bit depressed. His brother, Larry the Lemming, was not his brother, but a Lemming. This can be a MAJOR disappointment when you discover the major raison-d’être of your average, common or garden Lemming: a consuming obsession with the bottoms of cliffs. Being the least intelligent critters of the animal world the most obvious route to said obsession was via the “jumping” method. This did not always end well.

Larry felt a bit queer. This wasn’t bad; it was a natural emotional process for a Lemming. He merely had to deal with it. Despite this, Charlie used this as the impetus for his own chosen course of action. He would FIX the situation.

And thus, Charlie the Chinchilla and Larry the Lemming would go to the Head Chinchilla (Brian the Chinchilla) to discuss the calamitous problem.

This was problematic in that Chinchilla’s weren’t known for their knowledge of astrophysics any more than Lemmings were.

“Ummm…” he ventured, “it’s difficult,” he finally sighed. Then his eyes brightened considerably. There was an idea forming as quickly as the broad grim across his Chinchilla mouth! “Simple: We go to the Rubbish dump just up the road. We get ourselves an old settee (or Chez Lounge) and rip open the furry bits and strap one of those springs to Larry’s head! Then he can jump off whatever bloody cliff he likes!”

Despite the fact that Larry the Lemming would have to wear a spring on his head for the rest of his natural life, Charlie the Chinchilla wasn’t depressed any more. And maybe… just maybe… that’s all that counts. When it took his whim, Larry could jump off whatever the hell he liked and as he plummeted over each precipice would cry out in happiness: “AARDVARK LOGIC!” This was because Larry was, in spite of his happiness, still stupid.